This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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