He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
