Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
