Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
