He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
