Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
