i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize