I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I need moral support for this bender
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
