Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
