i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i think i just lost a toe
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
