Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I didn't notice because vodka
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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