I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.