My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.