Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.