If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
about cumming, not toast
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash