my phone needs a breathalizer
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?