well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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