We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.