my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.