look no pants
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.