My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.