I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....