never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.