i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
