Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
