I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize