Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
