i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
