She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
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They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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