I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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