hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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