Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
