yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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