No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
