Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
