I think im going to throw up on grandma
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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