I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
