At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
