It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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