If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
