Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
