I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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