I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
