Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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