I want to walk on stilts...naked
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
