he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
