Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
