Just took my morning after pill in the library
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
