Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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