i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
