all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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