I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
