You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
