Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
