I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
