The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
