My friends, they love my intelligence
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
