I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
