my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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