remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
