Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
