it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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