your thong is hanging out like whoa
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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