Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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