i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize