I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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