OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
