It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
