Who did Billy Mays play for?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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