respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
