lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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